Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Honeymoon Is Over.

I honestly think Jack has and is going to have an easy transition compaired to other stories I have heard but I do want to put out there that an easy transition doesn't involve some tough times. I am impressed he make awesome eye contact and seeks it out actually. He held eye contact with me through a whole 7 ounce bottle today! He loves to touch my face and look into my eyes. He may just think my eyes look funny since he pulled at my eyelids a few times today when we were looking at eachother. Not eyelashes but tried to pick up my eyelids.
He does cry at night. It is usually the first time he wakes at night that he cries unconsolably for a lenght of time, sometimes two hours, sometimes and hour, sometimes 20 min. He is so tired when he does this. He pushes away, but doesn't want down, the more you try to talk to calm him the more he screams. He is very unhappy and lets us know. He is greiving at these times. He also is not feeling well but I do all I can to fix those things to let him know I can take care of him. I put stuff on his dry lips, and give him tylenol, give him teething medicine, change his diaper, put on the diaper cream, give him a bottle which he is usually too worked up to take or want. Cover all the bases just in case it is something else bothering him. I don't want to miss anything, any pain he may have I want to take care of. He is up anyway so it is best to do it all and not worry about missing something.
When he starts to wake up later in the night it is more gradual and I have time to get a bottle ready. He drinks his bottle in the bed while I change his pants if needed, and most times it is needed with his bowel troubles lately. Otherwise I lay next to him and feed him his bottle, he doesn't need the help but it helps with bonding. It is just the first time he wakes that is the worst. He even drank most of what was in his bottles last night so we have improved a bit from where we were.
What is funny is that with all the thashing and crying and unconsolable mourning he does at night which makes me feel that he hates me and that things are going to be bad forever, he wakes up with HUGE smiles like nothing ever happened and snuggles in while he wakes up enough to explore the world again.
I don't want anyone to think that he is sleeping through the night and not having any issues. He does. He is even crying out something that sounds like "Ah coo" over and over again. I know that he has been using this word in the day to play "peek a boo" but I know that is not what he is trying to convey at night. I did ask on the boards to see if this word could mean anything else. Well... There is a similar word that adults say when in mourning. Similar to "Oh my" or "Oh my God" in meaning and sounds like "Ai goo" Now this is an adult word, and I have no idea if Jack has ever heard it or if that is what he is saying especially at nine months old, but it sure does convey the feeling he may have. If that is not what he is saying it sure would fit the poor look on his face at night.
We have gone back out of the crib which seems to make things worse because he is scared of it, back to the floor for naptimes and inital bedtime. Then it is back to the full-sized bed in the room for the rest of the night with mom.
Still working out the Mommy, Jack dance. Still have a few kinks to work out. But we are getting there.
He goes in the carrier for a few minutes when he is ready for bed and is snoring usually in less than five minutes. Transferring him to the pillow was never an issue in Korea but is harder now, we are not sure if it is because he is sick and waking slightly reminds him that he doesn't feel well, or if he is worried now about being left alone in the room. Only time will tell.
Also when I hold him to walk around the house he doesn't always mold to my body but prefers to sit on my hip but turn his body outward so he is facing forward with his arm between him and myself. Keeping me at a distance. When he is upset he does snuggle in but just in average holding he turns away and doesn't help me hold him by holding some of his weight by holding my shoulder. Makes it harder to carry him and sometimes he even ends up in a supeman pose on my hip, with me holding him by his tummy. He doesn't complain about being held this way and preferrs it to the regular hip carry. When others are around like my parents he doesn't do this as much and snuggles in more because he is unsure of the new people and more insecure about what is going on.
All in all he is doing great. He plays independently for a while and with brother and sister without complaint so I have had no issues going to the bathroom alone, or picking up a few toys around the house is usually not an issue. I really do feel blessed.


MissJenn said...

Last night I was just reading a chapter in "Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child" and I was on the chapter about night terrors. Do you think he is having night terrors? The author says that they are different than nightmares and that baby shouldn't be awakened. She said they seem awake but are not. If you don't have a copy of the book I'd be happy to type you out the paragraphs if you'd like to read them.

Soccermom said...

My older son has night terrors. There is not much you can do at anyrate if he is or isn't. There is no such thing as not waking them. They are going to scream no matter if they are sleeping or awake. He is getting a good amount of sleep otherwise. I am sure it is just regular greiving. Pretty normal.